I'm well into my second trimester and one thing I've discovered is that I really enjoy formal sitting with the baby. During the first trimester, a lot of my focus was just getting through one day at a time. It was a rich time for Tong-len practice, especially with surge of morning sickness and various other physical changes. In the second trimester, the majority of my morning sickness has passed and while my belly is very noticeable, the physical changes of my body are now quite manageable.
Knowing that the baby is with me is great encouragement to get to the cushion. When I practice my Chenrezig sadhana, the baby is surprisingly not too active. This is somewhat unusual as the baby normally likes to move when I'm settled or still. However, there's something about the calm of morning meditation that settles the baby. I like to ring my mini Tibetan Tingshas (meditation bells) three times so that baby knows meditation is about to begin. Then I start the Sadhana. A lot of people at the Buddhist centre have asked me what benefits I think meditation has for the baby. I think the calm abiding & concentration that comes with meditation is soothing as it provides a peaceful environment for bubs, compared to my usual busy routine. And while baby won't benefit from any of my mental visualisations, analytical meditation or mind training, I know that baby will hear the powerful effects of the mantras that I chant within the Sadhana. In this way, I hope I can ripen important seeds in my baby's mental continuum even if it decides in the future that it's not a Buddhist. When I finish my meditation, I ring the Tinghsha three times so baby also knows that meditation has concluded.
I have had to make some adaptions though. For example, long prostrations are now out of the question! My belly simply gets in the way. In the morning, I do short prostrations but usually by night time, I'm so achy and bloated that I do standing prostrations. This has been an interesting exercise as it's allowed me to enrich my visualisations instead of focusing on the physical act of prostrating. It's got a completely different feel to it altogether.
Whenever I do sit in the evenings, I've also noticed that sitting in the normal meditation posture can be very painful for my back. So in the evenings, I sit using a bean bag as a prop which allows me to lean back slightly. This enables my chest and abdominal cavity to open up, which is a huge relief for my sore upper-mid back. If the aches and pains are very bad, I do mindful walking inside my meditation room while I'm chanting mantras, to allow the movement to release tension. This has worked very well.
Now don't get me wrong... many people at the Buddhist centre seem to be under the strange impression that I must sit every day, because I "appear so calm". The truth is, my mind is an unruly place and I still have a lot to learn! On a weekly basis, I manage to get to the cushion 2-3 times a week, depending on how busy and erratic shiftwork at the hospital is. I just thought I would let the rest of you know that I'm very much like you. Yes, I often struggle to get to the cushion. There are days when it all just seems too much or I'm simply too disorganised and run out of time to sit before work. That said however, don't give up on formal meditation! It's so vital to practice.
If you're feeling discouraged about sitting, make a list of the reasons why you should sit and reflect on this. Often, the hardest times to get to the cushion are usually the times we need to get to the cushion. If it means cutting down the sitting time and emphasing quality over quantity, then don't be afraid to do this. Once you get into a habit again, gradually increase the time.
And always remember, making time for formal sitting is like making time to have a cup of tea with our best friend, the Buddhas & our Gurus. They are always there for us, waiting for the opportunity to help enrich our lives. From our side, we simply need to make the time to open our hearts & minds so we can benefit from their Enlightened activity.
May this post find you well and happy. May your meditations be filled with nourishment for your minds - the precious fuel for Enlightenment.
Yours truly,
Demi.
