However, this definition only just scratches at the surface. In my limited six years of learning, I've discovered Equanimity to have two main contexts: the first is within meditation and the second is a mental attitude towards others. I'd like to talk a little bit about both.
Like many who first come to meditation, I was seeking an antidote to the stress and upheaval that seemed to be my mind. My everyday job as a full-time radiographer at a busy hospital was highly demanding. Often, the workload left me feeling mentally drained and if I wasn't on guard and had a lapse in concentration or attention, mistakes were made. These were mistakes that I inevitably had to account for but more importantly, they were a cost for my patients. So I found Langri Tangpa Centre, thinking that if I learnt a little meditation, I could not only improve my peacefulness of mind but improve my attention & concentration. While there's no doubt that I've found the methods to develop these qualities, I gained much, much more.
Finding equanimity is not an instant process. Like all practices, meditation is a gradual process and always an on-going one. In my sitting practice, I'm learning to befriend my mind. There's more to who I am, than the crazy thoughts & emotions that manifest there. It's about getting to know yourself and the space of what you and I casually call 'consciousness'. But what is consciousness? What is it that makes our mind aware? These are questions we don't often ask ourselves because like everybody else, we just take their function for granted.
It's been my experience that mind is a little bit like a canvas. Sometimes the colours are bright and vivid, splashed in bold strokes that stick for a while. But the canvas of my mind is a little unusual, in that it doesn't hold onto the painting forever. In time, the picture always fades. Sometimes, it can take a few days. Other times, a matter of seconds. The paintings of the mind is a transitory thing. Sometimes the paintings can be dark or depressed. Other times, quite abstract or neutral. Always though, the painting fades but the canvas of the mind remains, ever ready to reflect the next thought or feeling.
So equanimity in meditation is about respecting this process and learning to appreciate the paintings as they manifest, but learning not to hold on because I know that the painting is but temporary. The colours will fade. The colours will change. It will be replaced by another picture in time. If I insist on holding onto the painting for dear life, feeding it with more colours and strokes, than like any piece of art, it ceases to flow naturally but becomes over-complicated and forced. That's when I suffer. That's when I cease to see the painting clearly and with it, the world around me. Equanimity, is about developing the grace to appreciate and then let go.
Not long after I 'came out' as a Buddhist, a dear friend once asked me if Buddhism made me more indifferent to other people. And this is a reaction I get sometimes in the West. People hear the word Buddhist and think that at any moment, I might disappear into a cave, dropping all care and concern for the world in preference of meditating towards some higher mental state. While I have met many amazing practioners who have done this very thing, one: it's not for everyone and two: sincere practioners rarely do this with the intention of "getting away" from the rest of us.
Equanimity as a mental attitude, has helped me to open my heart. It has helped me to foster the understanding that all beings, including even the tiniest ant, wishes to be happy and not to suffer. In this, we are all truly the same. We might all seek different avenues of happiness but ultimately, none of us wish to experience pain and harm. We just wish to be happy. On this most basic and common of principles, one can't help but value every being. Whether someone is family, friend, enemy or just a bus driver, everyone wants to be happy and not to suffer. We are all one infinite family, albeit a very dysfunctional family, but a family none the less.
Equanimity has thus challenged me not to disregard others simply because they don't fit my agenda. It pushes me to see them for whom they truly are, beings worthy of my attention and time, regardless of whether they benefit me or not. When I get on a plane, as much as I like to zone out into my little world of customised iPod playlists & books, Equanimity will gently 'ahem' and remind me that the strangers sitting beside me, are not mere filters of oxygen & carbon dioxide but people, beings worthy of my consideration. It doesn't mean that I have to be a nuisance and try to engage them in meaningless conversation. Yet at the very least, they deserve an affectionate smile in recognition of their value. These so-called strangers, are not only Mothers, Fathers, Brothers, Sisters, Sons & Daughters, they are people in society who contritube to my existence, in ways small & profound.
Developing Equanimity is an important foundation of Buddhist practice. It is a teaching that isn't uncommon to other religions such as Christianity, but regardless of your religious or non-religious preferences, I think it is an important value to foster. May it help you to bring down the walls of your armor and allow you to develop a heart brave enough to venture into any circumstance, no matter how challenging. May you, my friend, be happy and free of suffering.
Yours truly,
Demi.
