Lessons from the Zen Master: About Ants

Since Ethan's arrival, my formal sitting practice has pretty much evaporated. I didn't have much time to think about this during the initial weeks of looking after him. Life has been a blur; feed - change him - put him to sleep - try and sleep myself - feed him again, and so on, and so on. I automatically switched into mindfulness mode. It's actually quite hard not to be mindful when you have a newborn. They don't just quietly request your attention - they demand it. And just in case I wasn't listening, his cry will hammer home his needs very swiftly!

During the twilight hours, I've been slowly reading 'The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting' by Jon & Myla Kabat-Zinn. I've found this so nourishing during those weary late nights and something I've really taken home is that Ethan is my 'Live-In' Zen Master. And like many Zen masters, his lessons are unorthodox and often present themselves through the most mundane of activities.

My Live-In Zen Master

When I try to do to much (like breastfeed him while I watch TV & surf the internet on my phone) he will chastise me with a fussy cry and bring me to the present moment. Surprised at my own mindlessness, I'm reminded to put down the phone, turn off the TV and sit with the practice of breast-feeding my son. He will study me with his eyes to make sure my attention doesn't wander and I learn to enjoy the precious time between us.

My Zen Master often tests my patience as he poos or pees at unexpected moments, usually on me. As he gazes up at me with an expression of surprise, almost as if waiting to see how I'll react, I'm prompted to take a gentle breath and carefully attend to the task at hand - cleaning up my Zen Master and the change table. And just when it seems that my tank of joyous effort is about to reach rock bottom, my Zen Master will surprise me with an unexpected smile or a goo and spontaneously, I'm recharged. How easy it is to take life for granted when really, it is fleeting, impermanent and changing moment by moment. My son is the living emanation of change and impermanence.

Ethan delights in a conversation with his Stuffed Red Moo Moo.

Which brings us to the Lessons of Ants. As Summer rolls around, so do the ants. These amazing scouragers don't waste a moment. If I dare to leave a glass of water on the coffee table unattended, they instantly invade. At first, I was completely exasperated and couldn't find the compassion. Didn't these ants realise that I had a baby to look after? How would I find the time to merticulously chase these little sentient beings away when Ethan already demanded my attention so heavily and I was so behind on household chores? As always, prevention is the best means to avoid the killing of ants but I was beginning to resent all the sweeping & cleaning of benches & taking out of the bins at night when I was already so tired from a full day of caring for Ethan.

However, the other night Ethan gazed into my eyes and my heart opened with love for him. This was my son. This was my opportunity to pay back whatever karmic debt I owed Ethan and take care of him, as he took care of me in previous lives. Reflecting on other lives suddenly got me thinking - how many of those ants had been 'Ethans' to me in previous lives? In fact, they had probably all been my sons, my daughters, my brothers & sisters & mothers & fathers and so forth... and with that thought, compassion found a means to unlock my weary heart. All beings in the world had once been my sons. It felt far more true & real than the reflection, they'd all been my kind mothers because now that I was a Mother myself, I'm beginning to learn what it takes to wholeheartedly care for others.

So I thought I would share this beautiful lesson that my Live-In Zen Master taught me. No doubt, there will be many more lessons to share with you and while they might not emerge from any formal practice, they are no less sincere and valuable as we all make our way through Samsara.

May you all be happy and well, free of Suffering.

Yours truly,
Demi.

To Rejoice & To Be Grateful

Two weeks ago, I gave birth to our little baby boy, Ethan James Thear. Our labour (like all first labours) was long and difficult and didn't go according to plan. I ended up having an emergency c-section but it was all worth it, when our healthy baby boy was delivered into our arms.

Naturally, the first few days of motherhood was hectic and a steep learning curve. In fact, the learning curve isn't likely to end anytime soon! Never the less, every hurdle was interspaced with these beautiful moments of joy. Like seeing the expression on my husband Craig's face when he held Ethan for the first time. The love on his face was a pure love that didn't have to be forced or manufactured. It was just love.

When I held Ethan in my arms - well words can't really fully describe the feelings that came over me. It was a spontaneous opening of the heart which allowed me to taste what true rejoicing and gratitude is. Normally, when I practice rejoicing or gratitude practices, it's often difficult to expand my heart. It always feels like a part of me is holding on or tight; you could even say I was unwilling to entirely let down my guard. With Ethan however, I immediately felt those warm feelings of gratitude for all the help we received.

I was grateful to the team of midwives, the obstretric team, the nurses and allied health professionals, all of whom worked so hard to help bring Ethan into the world and make his transition into Samsara as easy as possible. Each and every one of those beings did their utmost to care for me and my family as we all recovered from the trauma of birth. It was a beautiful lesson in dependent arising and the kindness of others. I was reminded that we are really, one bigger family. The boundaries were not as solid as we like to make them out to be.

A week later, after finally coming home, I sat down for 10mins of formal sitting. Yet from the moment I sat down onto that cushion, I found tears welling in my eyes as the sea of emotions overcame me. I felt how fragile and beautiful life is. I knew that really, Ethan's birth and infancy was but a small light in a vast expanse of time and space. I was as impermanent as my husband and son, and I knew I had to make the most of this time shared together with gentle mindfulness and love. I felt fear that one day, I would have to part with my beautiful family. And once upon a time, I would have drowned in that fear and become terrible despondent or withdrawn. Yet since practicing the Dharma, it has given me alternatives for coping with fear and so now, I practice loving-kindness. I practice it for me, for my Son, for all the babies, the mothers & fathers, for all sentient beings. Love empowers me to be compassionate and to hold my fear without drowning. It reminds me to live life's little moments to its fullest in whatever its form.

And on that note, it's time to end this blog. My mindfulness reminder is crying for me and needs my undivided attention.

Lots of love,
Demi.

The Bardo of Pregnancy

Have you ever found yourself at a crossroad in your life? The Tibetans have the juicest word for this. They call it, 'Bardo' which can be interpreted to mean 'an inbetween-state'. I used to hate being in Bardo, when you were neither quite here or quite there. It's like being suspended in limbo without any anchor or sense of stability in who you are. Since becoming a Buddhist however, I've come to really appreciate these moments of Bardo. They are precious pockets of space that open up in my life and offer me the chance to be momentarily free of Ego and identity - that is, if I choose to take advantage of it.

Since finishing work, I'm in a Bardo of sorts. I've worked full-time for over 8 years and but now, that chapter of my career-focused life has passed. And while I'm in the last few weeks of my pregnancy, the days still feel endless as I await the next chapter of my life as a full-time Mum. Looking back, I don't think I've had this much time on my hands since I last completed a Chenrezig Nyung Na retreat.

Yet I'm acutely aware that this time is impermanent and won't last forever. It's entirely up to me how I choose to spend it. If I'm not careful, I'll idle away all these precious hours in anticipation of birthing the baby but what good will that do? I know deep down, it's better to accept each day as it comes and use it to practice mindfulness. After all, it's a resource I'll be in desperate need of when the sleepless nights & crying Baby Dragon arrives.

It's not easy to be present. Boredom often visits and I have to be careful not to run to the next distraction, the next chore, the next sensory-overload. I've settled into a new routine of waking in appreciation of the new day, sending Craig off to work, then visiting my meditation room. Each morning, Baby and I greet the Buddha Good Morning. We sit for 10, 30 or 50mins and together, we discover what my mind is like that day. Sometimes, it's very restless with the thought of all the jobs it would like to do - so much so that it borders on anxiety. Other days it's blissfully content and at peace, a ripe ground for meditative reflection. Then there are also the neutral days, the lazy days, the over-excited days. Yet no matter what my state of mind, I've committed to sitting for at least 10mins to get in touch with my mind.

I try to eat my breakfast mindfully though it's tempting to rush head-first into the next task of the day. Never the less, I persist and think of my Teachers, the kindess of Sentient Beings and also their suffering. I've come to really enjoy this gentle entry into the day's activities. I'm catching up on all those neglected Dharma books that are long overdue for reading. I've also made food charity to the ants, birds and insects. I've offered a bath to the blessed Tsa-Tsa of Tara on my altar to clear away obstacles for the birth. I've walked mindfully, meditated with Chenrezig and on 'Om Mani Padme Hum'. I've studied Shantideva's Guide to the Bodhisattva Way of Life, especially focusing on the chapter on Patience.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not some perfect Buddhist here. These amazing Dharma activities have also been mingled with catching up on the news, watching DVDs from Blockbuster, cleaning the house, taking naps, doing mindful yoga and reading in preparation for labour. I've long learnt that Dharma is best practiced when balanced with gentle worldly activities done mindfully. You could even say I'm having a very laid-back retreat of sorts!

Although it might feel like forever before I go into labour and give birth, I know that these last few days of my pregnancy will be over in the blink-of-an-eye. If I don't make the conscious effort to be present, I can't experience the last few days of my pregnancy and everything that it offers. So for now, I enjoy the quietness of being with the Baby & the Buddha, before the next Bardo arrives. After all, who knows what today with bring?

Yours truly,
Demi.

Watering My Bodhicitta Heart

Every now and then, I find my practice in a bit of a slump. These last two weeks or so, I've been experiencing one such "Slump-attacks!". Now I'm sure many of you know exactly what I'm talking about. You stare at that shelf of Dharma books that you know you need to read but feel immediately overwhelmed by the store of knowledge you've yet to absorb. And when you think of all the unfinished Dharma projects scattered around the house, pleading with you for closure, you just want to crawl into bed. And don't even get me started on my neglected meditation practice. I've had the cold all week and every second day, the best I could do was squeeze in a 10min breathing meditation, before reciting my morning prayers.

So what to do? Well last Wednesday, the first issue of my Shambala Magazine subscription arrived. For some reason, those short articles seemed far easier to tackle than my neglected Dharma books and before I knew it, I was devouring article after article. It soon became apparent that my Bodhicitta heart was thirsty and starved of nourishment. And with each article, I was reminded of why I practice the Dharma. Buddhism nurtures my mind, in much the same way that good food nourishes my body. When my Dharma practice is neglected or stretched thin, I run dangerously low on the resources that I need to stay sane and present.

I remember when I attended a teaching by Venerable Robina. I was astounded by how enthused I became after her teaching. There's something about being in the presence of a well-studied teacher. They reflect our Buddha Nature back to us and remind us of our own potential. It's so easy to lose ourselves in our ordinary, limited conceptions of self. But this is not who we are! We are meant to become Buddhas and nothing satisfies us more than continuing on that journey to Buddhahood. I know however that our Teachers can't do all the work for us. Just like parents, they can only point us in the right direction but it is up to us to make those brave steps on the road to Enlightenment.

So last night, I made the effort to join the class 'Beyond Discovering Buddhism' at Langri Tangpa Centre. Being amongst other students & teachers is so important for my practice. For me, it's not about finding people who affirm your beliefs or validate your sense of 'being a Buddhist'. In fact, classes often challenge my understanding of Buddhist philosophy and practice and helps me to review what I'm doing. Is my understanding of the Dharma correct? Are there points of views or ideas that I've not considered or overlooked? Being able to talk my ideas out with others often encourages me back to studying Dharma books or befriending my meditation cushion because I'm keen to reap its benefits.

Maybe you're going through a slump of your own. If so, don't lose heart. Just recognise it as a sign that it's time to tend the garden of your mind. Those neglected Bodhicitta seeds are calling out to you for watering, fertilising and weeding. Pick up that magazine article and start reading, even if it's just a page or two. Don't be shy - reconnect with your local Dharma community. Go to that weekend teaching about that juicy topic you've always wanted to know about. Re-read an old favourite and inspiring Dharma book.

I wish all you Bodhisattva Gardeners every success in your endeavours because the world is in desperate need of more Bodhicitta flowers.

Yours truly,
Demi.

The Buddhist and the Possum

Craig and I are very fond of fresh herbs in our cooking. For a while, some of our favourite herbs had outlived their life cycles so it was time again to rejuvenate our stock and buy some new seedlings. After a day trip to the nursery, we'd picked up lots of different favourite herbs and fresh soil to help them grow. I even rolled up my sleeves and harvested a tray of earth from my own worm farm. All in all, it was quite an effort but we were rewareded with lots of freshly potted herbs, all looking very cheerful on our back porch.

Within a few days however, I noticed that our coriander seemed to be missing a few leaves. Being a Buddhist, I'm not big on insectisides and thought that maybe a family of bugs might have moved in. I shrugged it off as I figured there was plenty of coriander to go around. Yet as each morning went by, there were fewer and fewer leaves and one night, I heard a loud "Thud". When I investigated, I discovered that my poor coriander had been tipped over and looking rather sheepish back at me, was a possum perched in our Umbrella Tree. Ah ha! So that's what's been going on.

Now our house is surrounded by lots of native trees and we've even planted some grevilleas and kangaroo paws out back because we were so fond of natives. Naturally, it was the perfect home for a Possum. We'd seen a Possum family once before up in our Weeping Paperback but hadn't thought too much of it. Well Winter was upon us and the Possums were hungry. What better luncheon than some freshly planted herbs, such as coriander and parsley?

This was all very well but the herbs were still relative young seedlings and really couldn't survive the ravages of a hungry possum. The possum was speedily killing both the coriander and parsley. So I got myself onto Google and found a natural deterrent - boiling some water with chilli, garlic & fish sauce. Supposedly, the strong smells really get up the nose of possums and they avoid your herbs. I sprayed the mixture onto the herbs and it sorta worked... but I think hunger got the better of the possum and it wasn't long before it was back at the herbs. My poor coriander died. The parsley looked like it had participated in a Lose-your-leaves-for-charity-event. So then I tried moving the parsley and another susceptible herb, the sage, to the front porch. This worked for a few weeks... until last night that is. I was watching TV when once again, I heard that all-too-familar thud but from the front door. And sure enough, looking rather sheepishly back at me was the possum, hanging from the front gutter.

I explained that it really had to give my poor herbs a break. They really weren't getting far. The possum vaguely considered my request but I think it was mostly disappointed that its foraging efforts had been spoiled. It escaped swiftly using the down-pipe, scuttled across my front lawn and back up the Weeping Paperbark. I consoled myself that at least it wasn't nesting in the roof.

I picked up my tipped-over spring onions and scooped the dirt back into the pot. Pondering about what to do, I remembered what Venerable Robina once said when a student had asked about a Pest problem. "Honey, don't think of it as someone else's pest. Think of it as Your Pest. These are Your Pests. They belong to you!"

See, this is such a potent teaching on karma. The reason this Possum was eating from my herbs was because in a previous life, I must have stolen / benefitted in some way from this Possum's food. This was my Karma, My Possum. This situation belonged entirely to me and now, I had to decide what to do.

I could have called in Possum catchers to remove the possum. But they would have evicted the poor thing from its hollow, release it about 500 metres from its cosy home and no doubt, some other Possum would moved in to take its place. After all, we were offering prime real estate. I took a big breath - turned to my fridge and began raiding the vegie bin. I found some old apples that I would either have thrown out or donated to the worm farm and also half a carrot, an unwanted scrap from dinner. I sliced them all up and put them on a plate, left it at the trunk of the Weeping Paperback. I wasn't sure how this was all going to pan out but this was My Possum, and I had decided to feed it something more substantial than parsley leaves and spring onion roots.

The next morning, I left bright and early for work at 6:15am. urious, I checked the Paperbark and discovered there was hardly a single morsel left on the plate. Apple slices, carrots and all - Devoured. I couldn't help but smile. This small act of generosity lifted my spirits and I tell you what, I had the most loveliest day at work. Sometimes, it takes looking at a situation differently to help open our hearts and remember what's of value in life - Sharing.

So now I have a friend called Herbie, the Hungry Possum. And while I have no intention of fattening Herbie with a buffet every night, I will offer Herbie His or Her share of the occasional scraps. Some people want to co-habitate with Dogs. I co-habitat with a possum called Herbie. And thankfully, Herbie is a great teacher in Patience and Generosity.

Yours truly,
Demi.

Sitting with the Baby

I'm well into my second trimester and one thing I've discovered is that I really enjoy formal sitting with the baby. During the first trimester, a lot of my focus was just getting through one day at a time. It was a rich time for Tong-len practice, especially with surge of morning sickness and various other physical changes. In the second trimester, the majority of my morning sickness has passed and while my belly is very noticeable, the physical changes of my body are now quite manageable.

Knowing that the baby is with me is great encouragement to get to the cushion. When I practice my Chenrezig sadhana, the baby is surprisingly not too active. This is somewhat unusual as the baby normally likes to move when I'm settled or still. However, there's something about the calm of morning meditation that settles the baby. I like to ring my mini Tibetan Tingshas (meditation bells) three times so that baby knows meditation is about to begin. Then I start the Sadhana. A lot of people at the Buddhist centre have asked me what benefits I think meditation has for the baby. I think the calm abiding & concentration that comes with meditation is soothing as it provides a peaceful environment for bubs, compared to my usual busy routine. And while baby won't benefit from any of my mental visualisations, analytical meditation or mind training, I know that baby will hear the powerful effects of the mantras that I chant within the Sadhana. In this way, I hope I can ripen important seeds in my baby's mental continuum even if it decides in the future that it's not a Buddhist. When I finish my meditation, I ring the Tinghsha three times so baby also knows that meditation has concluded.

I have had to make some adaptions though. For example, long prostrations are now out of the question! My belly simply gets in the way. In the morning, I do short prostrations but usually by night time, I'm so achy and bloated that I do standing prostrations. This has been an interesting exercise as it's allowed me to enrich my visualisations instead of focusing on the physical act of prostrating. It's got a completely different feel to it altogether.

Whenever I do sit in the evenings, I've also noticed that sitting in the normal meditation posture can be very painful for my back. So in the evenings, I sit using a bean bag as a prop which allows me to lean back slightly. This enables my chest and abdominal cavity to open up, which is a huge relief for my sore upper-mid back. If the aches and pains are very bad, I do mindful walking inside my meditation room while I'm chanting mantras, to allow the movement to release tension. This has worked very well.

Now don't get me wrong... many people at the Buddhist centre seem to be under the strange impression that I must sit every day, because I "appear so calm". The truth is, my mind is an unruly place and I still have a lot to learn! On a weekly basis, I manage to get to the cushion 2-3 times a week, depending on how busy and erratic shiftwork at the hospital is. I just thought I would let the rest of you know that I'm very much like you. Yes, I often struggle to get to the cushion. There are days when it all just seems too much or I'm simply too disorganised and run out of time to sit before work. That said however, don't give up on formal meditation! It's so vital to practice.

If you're feeling discouraged about sitting, make a list of the reasons why you should sit and reflect on this. Often, the hardest times to get to the cushion are usually the times we need to get to the cushion. If it means cutting down the sitting time and emphasing quality over quantity, then don't be afraid to do this. Once you get into a habit again, gradually increase the time.

And always remember, making time for formal sitting is like making time to have a cup of tea with our best friend, the Buddhas & our Gurus. They are always there for us, waiting for the opportunity to help enrich our lives. From our side, we simply need to make the time to open our hearts & minds so we can benefit from their Enlightened activity.

May this post find you well and happy. May your meditations be filled with nourishment for your minds - the precious fuel for Enlightenment.

Yours truly,
Demi.

Abiding in the Discomfort of Change

During the last few weeks, my body has been noticeably changing as my pregnancy progresses. It's no longer something I need to tell others about. My growing bump and waddling gait is an unmistakable sign - "Look out, pregnant woman in our midst!" I've been told that I'm "blooming". It's a nice romantic thought but to be honest, I feel anything but "blooming". At times, I feel downright overwhelmed and ask myself, what exactly have I gotten myself into?

Through all the ups & downs, I'm so very grateful for Buddha's teachings to support me. For starters, the truth of Suffering is really hitting home. Take for example, The Suffering of Suffering. I've made some new friends. They're called: Right Upper Back Pain, Right Frontal Rib Pain & of course, Mr. Headache. They've replaced my mates, Fatique & Nausea (made during the first trimester) and like my old mates, drop in just as frequently say "Boo!".

Yet despite the aches, pain & downright inconvenience, I am reminded that a human body is not a perfect thing. In fact, compared to many of my patients in hospital, I have it relatively easy. I only experience the pain every now and then and despite their intensity, they are mostly impermanently. They drop in, they make my life uncomfortable, but give them a day or so and they leave again. It has also been a great opportunity to work with tong-len (the Taking & Giving Meditation practice) and to share in the universal experience that is suffering. I remember that not only did my amazing Mum do this (gasp!) 6 times, but this is an experience all mothers, human & animal alike, go through. And just think, Elephants are pregnant for 2 years! My 9 months pales in comparison.

The other interesting side of suffering is The Suffering Change. I'm not exactly "at home" with my changing body. I find it disconcerting at times to see my growing belly. It doesn't quite match up to the picture I have in my head of who I am. Where exactly did independent & young Demi go? I feel like my body has become something altogether alien and not only do I have trouble recognising it, but it's also spawning another human being. This really hits home when I look at ultrasound images of my baby, who also resembles something of an alien. Sure it has a face, two arms & two legs... but this foreign person is growing inside of my body, which is clearly not under my control!

But then again, when exactly  was my body ever under my control? Sure it's been playing along quite nicely for the last 8 years or so but how quickly I've forgotten the crazy change of puberty, or the countless time I've been sick. And what about the fact that my body pretty much runs itself, replacing cells of its own accord, growing this bone & that hair follicle without me ever consciously directing it to do so? It's been quite competently running its own agenda for quite some time - I just fooled myself into thinking that I was the boss. I'd forgotten that my body is a very nice, but temporary motel. And this motel is currently undergoing some major renovations while another guest joins us!

This all leads very neatly into the last suffering, The All-Pervasive Suffering. Pregnancy has so far afforded me a great opportunity to examine exactly Who I think I am and then ask myself, where exactly is this Demi that I hold so fondly onto? Is she a daughter? A sister or a wife, a woman or a mother-to-be, young or old? The more I look at my experience, the more colourful and blurred the distinctions become. My mind is an amazing canvas for a whole range of experiences, thoughts, emotions & discoveries. The tricky part is trying not to focus on specific parts of the canvas, but to appreciate it as a whole, no matter what the current colour is.

So as my body continues to change and in doing so, my mind reacts with anxiety, hope, fear, uncertainty, etc, etc, I'm doing my best to stay with that experience and embrace it for what it is. Yes, it is impermanent. Yes, it is also at times, very uncomfortable and easy to become lost. But being a Mother to my baby, means being able to come home to suffering in all its forms. Pregnancy is the new training ground for endurance. If I can learn to abide in these feelings of unpleasantness, then maybe one day, I can also be there to bear witness when those precious beings around me, face their own challenges & hardships. To me, being a Bodhisattva doesn't mean that we should weigh ourselves down with armor so that we're protected from the harshness of the world. To me, being a Bodhisattva is about being brave enough to relinquish my emotional & karmic baggage, so I walk with clarity & openness in the world and support those in need.

So despite everything, I'm very grateful to be pregnant and to be humbled by these amazing changes. I hope my pregnancy continues to help me to identify my strange preconceptions and mistaken ideas, so that I can truly be free to connect with the people around me and the baby within me.

May you all be happy and free of suffering. May all Mothers-to-be and Mothers-that-are, have all the rest & healing that they need.

Yours truly,
Demi.

Could this Sentient Being be a Buddha?

His Holiness, the 14th Dalai Lama, is a great inspiration to me. When I read his books, I'm continously struck by his gentle humility that is matched only by his numerous wonderful qualities. He has an endless reservoir of energy to serve the people of this world. He has a great passion for sincere study, reflection and meditation. He isn't challenged by new views such as modern Science but is willing to open his mind and heart in learning and understanding. His Holiness has more amazing qualities than I can list but I hope I can learn to treat others in the same warm and affectionate way that His Holiness does.

Photo from www.dalailama.com

 When His Holiness meets someone for the first time, you can see how he has nothing but 100% attention and care for them. It doesn't matter how ordinary or important they appear to be. He always holds them with the same regard - that is, in this very present moment, they are someone completely and utterly deserving of his whole-hearted attention. I'm always inspired to follow His Holiness' example but it never takes long for obstacles and old habits to kick in. Before I know it, I'm lost in my own thoughts, concerns & worries while the precious people around me are left to fend for themselves.

Despite good intentions to treat other people as His Holiness does, I easily get hung up on how people either benefit me or make life a pain in the butt. It's easy to forget that other people have Buddha Nature. Instead, I get fixated on how they're too self-involved or how inconsiderate they are or how annoying they are - all the while forgetting that all too often, I myself am prone to these same unwholesome behaviours.

But that doesn't mean I should give up trying to see others for who they truly are. They are sentient beings who simply wish to be happy and who don't wish to suffer. I might not always agree with their methods of achieving said-happiness. While I know that I can't change the habits of the people around me, what I can change is my own way of seeing people.

As Shantideva (a marvellous Bodhisattva once wrote):

"To cover all the earth with sheets of hide-
Where could such amouts of skin be found?
But simply wrap some leather round your feet,
And it's as if the whole earth had been covered!"

Chapter 5: Vigilance from The Way of the Bodhisattva

Now there are many techniques and tools to train the mind in cherishing others. While I'm not going to go through any particular method in detail, here are a few tips & thoughts that I've found highly useful in training my own mind to see others differently.

All Sentient Beings possess Buddha Nature and this should be respected & valued.
In Buddhism, every sentient being (whether human or animal) has the potential to become a Buddha. While animals are very limited in their current forms, the very fact that they possess a mind makes them potential candidates for future enlightenment. So just as we respect and treat Buddhas with respect & care, by the same token, we should also respect all sentient beings (who with the right conditions & causes) can one day become future Buddhas. 

All Sentient Beings have been Directly or Indirectly kind to us.
Everything we use, eat or buy is completely dependent on the skills & efforts of others. From the laptop I'm typing on, to the blog host I'm using, even the clothes I'm wearing, the chair I'm sitting on, the house I live in, the food I eat.... none of this would be possibe without other people. Yes, you could argue that these people had ulterior motives for creating these items/services and that they received some monetary benefit from creating these things. But that doesn't negate the fact that everything we need also depends upon the existance and skills of others. Our community is interdependent and when next we meet someone, this could be our big opportunity to return services, skills and our time as an appreciation of that person's ongoing kindness to our society.

Szarkiewicz / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 All Sentient Beings have been our Kind Mother.
Now this one is a bit tricky, especially if you don't believe in the Laws of Cause & Effect and Reincarnation. For Buddhists, all beings have been reincarnating continously since beginningless time. It's the aim of most Buddhists to end this uncontrolled nature of reincarnation so that they can become Buddhas and therefore, help their fellow sentient beings to be free of the cycle of rebirth. Until such time that we become Buddhas, we remember that if we've been reincarnating since beginningless time, then it stands to reason that we've had many different Mothers who have all given birth to us, cared for us, fed us, clothed us, etc.

Even if we reflect just on the kindness of our Mother in this lifetime, we know that their efforts and care can never truly be repaid. Even if our Mothers were not perfect, we  remember that like us, our Mothers were only human and that they did the best that they could. Being pregnant myself, I'm beginning to develop a deep appreciation of how amazing my own Mum truly is. The physical and mental changes you have to undergo during pregnancy is an experience to say the least and Mum didn't just go through this once, she did this 6 times for all 6 of us kids! I have a feeling that once my own baby is born, my appreciation of Mum is only going to deepen.

Sentient Beings and Buddhas are equal in how kind they are to us.
I've been studying 'The Awakening Mind' - by Geshe Tashi Tsering which focuses on Seven Point Mind training. There's a beautiful section which specifically details the kindness of others. Geshe Tashi Tsering makes the interesting argument that in terms of kindness, there is no difference between the kindness of a Buddha and the kindness of Sentient Beings. Buddhas have the great Omniscience, Power & Compassion to help us free ourselves from suffering. Yet Sentient Beings are the objects on which we develop our own great Omniscience, Power & Compassion. Without Sentient Beings, there would be no 'becoming Enlightened.' After all, the whole point of 'becoming Enlightened' is to help other Sentient Beings do the same. And until such time that we become Enlightened, Sentient Beings are the sandpaper to help us smooth out our own rough edges & splinters.

Last but not least, we should cherish Sentient Beings just as Buddhas cherish them.
Geshe Tashi Tsering also pointed out that the sole concern of a Buddha is the welfare of Sentient Beings. Therefore it's a bit odd to respect and treat the Buddhas well, yet to treat Sentient Beings with indifference and scorn. It's a little bit like being very loving to one's Teacher or Elder in your social circle, but then turning around and kicking their favourite pet dog! This was something I hadn't really thought about before and I thought it was a very valid point. If His Holiness the Dalai Lama holds every person he meets with that loving concern, then just as we respect His Holiness, then so too we should extend that respect to his students and all the people on this Earth.

Ven Sangmo from Thosamling in India returning home to a warm greeting from one of the Thosamling residents.

Now changing our attitudes towards others is a huge undertaking but without a doubt, a very meaningful one. And like all meaningful undertakings, the journey is never easy and will require a lot of dedication & effort. I am far from developing the complete altruisism that His Holiness possesses. But I'll be damned if I stop trying!

How about you? Are you ready to develop your sense of altruism for all beings without exception? Go on. I dare you. I reckon you'd be surprised by the amazing things you discover about the people around you.

Yours truly,
Demi.

Strange Expectations vs Authentic Practice

Craig (my husband) and I have planned for a while to start a family. We were very fortunate that I fell pregnant with relative ease and I'm now 10 weeks pregnant. I'm really enjoying this new journey. However as with all journeys, I find that it's necessary to off load the baggage of unrealistic expectations, hopes & fears, so that I can truly begin to experience the journey in its bare simplicity.

Being the eldest of 6 children, I'm no stranger to kids but having said that, helping to look after your siblings is one thing; having another person growing inside you is quite another! Before falling pregnant, I had romantic dreamy ideas about how pregnancy and motherhood would enrich my practice. It would be the perfect motivation to stop me from being lazy. I would make more time to sit and develop the peace & calm so important to nurturing my baby. I would do lots of yoga, eat lots of wonderful healthy food, study for my MRI exam and all this, while working full-time and being the perfect wife!

You probably saw through the ridiculousness of my expectations right away. I'm still in the process of giving up my rose-coloured glasses. Thankfully, Buddhist practice always has a gentle way of grounding me when my fanciful mind runs off with the fairies. My practice is kind, gentle & practical - much like my teachers.

Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I've since discovered that pregnancy does indeed enrich my practice - but not quite in the ways I thought it would. For starters, morning sickness and fatigue was a powerful & potent reminder that my body is not under my control. While intellectually, I've always known this, morning sickness brought the message home at a heart level. I have no control over the changing hormones in my body. I have no control over the ebb & rise of energy levels in my body as I share it with my growing child. I've never had any control at all. This body has always been a lovely hotel that will provide me with the means to make the most of this life - but the day will come when both I and my child will have to move on. This was a powerful refresher - a wonderful and sobering lesson.

As a result of the fatigue, I found it hard to complete even a full week's work. Surviving the 8 hour grind has never felt so hard. I felt guilty that I wasn't 'pulling my weight' at work and was quick to overlook my past 7 years of service to my company. As I faced my guilt, I realised how much I was still investing in my reputation. Work was a means of enforcing who I thought I was. My pregnancy gives me a precious opportunity to examine my current relationship to work. Why is it so important that I not be seen as a "handicap" or a "burden". It was inextricably linked into the eight worldly concerns. I liked to be seen as invaluable & useful. It helped to verify my sense of 'self' while anything else felt like a threat to my 'self'. Even after six years of practicing Buddhism, so much of what I did was still tied into this 'self' or 'I'. Its certainly an eye-opener and a strong reminder that I still have a lot of practice to do.

And what about my sitting practice? Well as the weeks went by, I fell back on the most important tool I have in my Buddhist Toolkit: the practice of gentleness. With loving-kindness towards myself and my baby, I take each day as it comes. There are days when it's easy to get to the cushion. On these days when my energy levels are great, I make the time to sit for 20 - 40 mins, depending on how my body & mind are coping. Sitting formally on the cushion helps me to dissolve all my unrealistic expectations into the peacefulness of just being present. I really enjoy working with my mind and doing my very best to develop my good qualities in preparation for the day ahead. It also makes surviving the bad days easier.

photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Oh yes, there are certainly 'bad' days. There are days when I can barely motivate myself to get out of the bed, let alone get to the cushion. On these days, the energy for yoga evaporates. My hopes of eating well for the baby are dashed by nausea, which seems best curbed by either fruit such as grapes or when all else fails, lemonade cordial and salty potato chips. I factored neither of these into my 'healthy diet' for the baby. But for some bizarre reason, this is what my body needs to get itself through that morning sickness! And to top it off, I look into my reflection in the mirror and see the new zits that have manifested due to my changing hormones. On bad days like these, I'm reminded of the limits of my joyous effort and patience.

And that's when I must practice the hardest. When I don't reach my goals or when I feel like I've fallen short, I do my best to practice gentleness, kindness & compassion towards myself. I remind myself that when my child experiences his or her darkest moment (which is inevitable), I must be able to provide these attitudes of unconditional love instead of any harshness, unrealistic expectations or criticism. And I can't offer this to my baby, until I first learn to offer it to myself. On the difficult days, I set aside all my expectations and make-do with the simple things. I take in a breath of fresh air for both baby & me. I make offerings and refuge prayers for us. I write a page of sutra. And the rest of the day, I settle for doing the best I can.

Pregnancy is indeed enriching my practice. It is doing so in a practical and down-to-earth manner. It is preparing me for motherhood, not just for this sentient being growing inside me, but hopefully for all sentient beings. Just as I can learn to love the stranger growing within me, may I learn to love all the strangers who make up my everyday life.

Yours truly,
Demi.

Invaluable Equanimity

One of the most beautiful teachings I have received through Buddhism, is the that of Equanimity. What does it mean to have equanimity? After all, this isn't a word you hear very often in everyday use. If we look up a dictionary, say dictionary.com, we get:

"Equanimity (noun): mental or emotional stability or composure, especially under tension or strain; calmness; equilibrium."

However, this definition only just scratches at the surface. In my limited six years of learning, I've discovered Equanimity to have two main contexts: the first is within meditation and the second is a mental attitude towards others. I'd like to talk a little bit about both.


Like many who first come to meditation, I was seeking an antidote to the stress and upheaval that seemed to be my mind. My everyday job as a full-time radiographer at a busy hospital was highly demanding. Often, the workload left me feeling mentally drained and if I wasn't on guard and had a lapse in concentration or attention, mistakes were made. These were mistakes that I inevitably had to account for but more importantly, they were a cost for my patients. So I found Langri Tangpa Centre, thinking that if I learnt a little meditation, I could not only improve my peacefulness of mind but improve my attention & concentration. While there's no doubt that I've found the methods to develop these qualities, I gained much, much more.

Finding equanimity is not an instant process. Like all practices, meditation is a gradual process and always an on-going one. In my sitting practice, I'm learning to befriend my mind. There's more to who I am, than the crazy thoughts & emotions that manifest there. It's about getting to know yourself and the space of what you and I casually call 'consciousness'. But what is consciousness? What is it that makes our mind aware? These are questions we don't often ask ourselves because like everybody else, we just take their function for granted.


It's been my experience that mind is a little bit like a canvas. Sometimes the colours are bright and vivid, splashed in bold strokes that stick for a while. But the canvas of my mind is a little unusual, in that it doesn't hold onto the painting forever. In time, the picture always fades. Sometimes, it can take a few days. Other times, a matter of seconds. The paintings of the mind is a transitory thing. Sometimes the paintings can be dark or depressed. Other times, quite abstract or neutral. Always though, the painting fades but the canvas of the mind remains, ever ready to reflect the next thought or feeling.

So equanimity in meditation is about respecting this process and learning to appreciate the paintings as they manifest, but learning not to hold on because I know that the painting is but temporary. The colours will fade. The colours will change. It will be replaced by another picture in time. If I insist on holding onto the painting for dear life, feeding it with more colours and strokes, than like any piece of art, it ceases to flow naturally but becomes over-complicated and forced. That's when I suffer. That's when I cease to see the painting clearly and with it, the world around me. Equanimity, is about developing the grace to appreciate and then let go.

Not long after I 'came out' as a Buddhist, a dear friend once asked me if Buddhism made me more indifferent to other people. And this is a reaction I get sometimes in the West. People hear the word Buddhist and think that at any moment, I might disappear into a cave, dropping all care and concern for the world in preference of meditating towards some higher mental state. While I have met many amazing practioners who have done this very thing, one: it's not for everyone and two: sincere practioners rarely do this with the intention of "getting away" from the rest of us.

Equanimity as a mental attitude, has helped me to open my heart. It has helped me to foster the understanding that all beings, including even the tiniest ant, wishes to be happy and not to suffer. In this, we are all truly the same. We might all seek different avenues of happiness but ultimately, none of us wish to experience pain and harm. We just wish to be happy. On this most basic and common of principles, one can't help but value every being. Whether someone is family, friend, enemy or just a bus driver, everyone wants to be happy and not to suffer. We are all one infinite family, albeit a very dysfunctional family, but a family none the less.

Equanimity has thus challenged me not to disregard others simply because they don't fit my agenda. It pushes me to see them for whom they truly are, beings worthy of my attention and time, regardless of whether they benefit me or not. When I get on a plane, as much as I like to zone out into my little world of customised iPod playlists & books, Equanimity will gently 'ahem' and remind me that the strangers sitting beside me, are not mere filters of oxygen & carbon dioxide but people, beings worthy of my consideration. It doesn't mean that I have to be a nuisance and try to engage them in meaningless conversation. Yet at the very least, they deserve an affectionate smile in recognition of their value. These so-called strangers, are not only Mothers, Fathers, Brothers, Sisters, Sons & Daughters, they are people in society who contritube to my existence, in ways small & profound.

Developing Equanimity is an important foundation of Buddhist practice. It is a teaching that isn't uncommon to other religions such as Christianity, but regardless of your religious or non-religious preferences, I think it is an important value to foster. May it help you to bring down the walls of your armor and allow you to develop a heart brave enough to venture into any circumstance, no matter how challenging. May you, my friend, be happy and free of suffering.

Yours truly,
Demi.

The Holy Relics Visit Brisbane

This weekend, I took part in the most extraordinary event. The Maitreya Project Heart Shrine Relic Tour visited Brisbane and it was hosted by our very own Langri Tangpa Centre. Now many of you are probably wondering: "What exactly is a Maitreya Project Heart Shrine Relic??"

When a great spiritual master passes away and his body is cremated, beautiful pearly or crystal objects are often found in their ashes. This was what happened when Buddha Shakyamuni passed away and his relics were divided into eight portions. Amazingly, the tour that visited Brisbane contained relics from Buddha Shakyamuni so it was such an honour to be able to see this. Since Buddha's time, many of his Great Disciples in both the Indian & Tibetan lineage have also passed away and following their cremation, they too left behind precious relics. These relics are often collected and placed in large permanent stupas (Buddhist shrines made of varying precious materials) so future Buddhists can continue to pay their respects to these inspiring teachers.

Shakyamuni Buddha's Relics

Lama Tsong Khapa's Relics

Volunteering at the Holy Relics Tour was an interesting experience, filled with mixed feelings. There's always a lot of excitement that follows the Holy Relics. Great Buddhist Teachers revere the relics and whenever they come into contact with a relic, will behave as if they are in the presence of the living Buddha himself, or the Great Master to whom that relic belongs. As a reasonably new Buddhist, I've never met any of these Masters so when I viewed the relics, I didn't experience any strong or overwhelming feeling.

Milarepa's Relics

Never the less, I have always been grateful to the Buddha for his skillful and practical teachings. Buddhism has given me a means to live my life that helps me to cultivate harmony with those around me. Most importantly, it's given me the bravery to confront my own faults & strive towards improving my mind. So in that sense, it was wonderful to see the relics of the Buddha and these amazing Masters. These were people who spent their lives living in virtue and their relics are powerful reminders that even an ordinary person, like myself, can vastly improve my mind & attain enlightenment to benefit others. It's a wonderful inspiration. I'm also reminded of living masters, such as His Holiness the Dalai Lama. His attitude & tireless energy to benefit all sentient beings, even the Chinese, remind me of what Buddhist practice is truly about. I sincerely hope to one day follow in this amazing man's footsteps. I can think of no better way to live my life than being able to love all beings equally, just like the Dalai Lama.

Relics from His Holiness Kyabje Ling Rinpoche

So even though I didn't experience any 'great revelation' during the Relics' tour, I'm reminded that true practice isn't about miraculous flashes. After all, even miracles are empty of concrete existence. They just like a dream, a flash of lightning, an apparition. Yet there's also no mistaking the serenity and calm that surrounds the Relics. Throughout the tour, a vast mixture of people visited. There were devout Buddhists, spiritual seekers from other traditions or just every-day Aussies who were just mildly curious about the whole thing. Yet everyone seemed happy & content. Even the pets that were brought by their owners seemed just as happy to be there, bathing in the Relics' athmosphere.

Great Tibetan Masters' Relics

A close up of Lama Yeshe's Relics

On Saturday evening, we harnessed that energy into a Shakyamuni Puja and remembered that great teacher for what he did for the world. His skillful teaching showed us an alternative way to live, one that involved kindness, wisdom & compassion... the kind of love that doesn't leave anyone out, not even your enemies. What a gift indeed.

For those of you that didn't have time or couldn't make it to the relics, visit the The Maitreya Project Heart Shrine Relic Tour and you'll be able to find out what their next destination is. I hope you have an opportunity to see the Relics in this lifetime. I think it would be most worthwhile.

Yours truly,
Demi.

The Tragedy of Revenge

When I was young, I could spend hours with my head in a book, engrossed in many tales of far away lands where the desperate heroes or heroines had to overcome great adversity to realise their dreams. And in every story, there's always a wicked villain. There's always some bad nasty who did their utmost to thwart the would-be prince or princess. Yet despite their wickedness, the heroes would always prevail and live happily ever after. After all, it was only fair and that was justice.

In the 21st Century, I've come to realise that despite the iPods, Google, Facebook & Twitter, most of us still feed that child-like desire for Justice. When we hear that a thief has been caught, we say "Hah! Gotchya!" or if we're too polite to say it outloud, we smugly think, "Good riddance, another social miscreat taken care of!" 

Frankly, if I had a dollar for everytime someone wished ill of a speeding driver, or a bad-mannered patient, or a loud-mouthed dinner.... well, the list is practically endless and I'd make Bill Gates look like a pauper.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm certainly no Bodhisattva (though I desperately wish otherwise!). Too many times to count, I've caught myself thinking the very same thing you have. God, I wish so-and-so would just disappear off the face of the earth and just stop making ME miserable! You might wonder what's so bad about that. After all, if somebody's annoying us, shouldn't we have the right to tell them to damn-well bugger off?

The problem with "Justice" however, is that it's our sense of justice. When you reflect honestly, truthfully and with every bit of your open-mindnesses, it doesn't take long to realise that Justice always revolves around what I want and what I don't want. That's a lot of relativitiy happening... and given that the current population of the earth has already exceeded 7 Billion, how do we all agree on what "Justice" means exactly?

A week ago, I watched Niels Arden Oplev's 2009 "Girl with a Dragon Tattoo". One of the main characters, Lisbeth Salander, is a young withdrawn woman, who has already seen her fair share of suffering & hardships. In the movie, she is a victim of sexual assault but soon works out a way to get one better on her attacker. In short, she executes what we all dream of: "An eye for an eye."

As a Buddhist however, I didn't find much to celebrate in her seeming victory. I sincerely believe there is a far older force at work in the universe and this is what many Buddhists recognise as Karma. The Law of Karma is very much a law of Cause & Effect. It's even summed up in one of the teachings that Jesus Christ gave quite neatly which is, "Do to others what you would wish done onto you."

See the tragedy of revenge, is that every action we do that is motivated by anger, ill-will, malice, jealousy or any one of the host of negative emotions, means that the outcome of that very action is also going to be negative. In the short term, if might appear that we got our dues and conquered our Enemy, but our action will soon generate another Enemy to take its place. We can bear arms again and try to fight the next Enemy with more anger & hatred but even if we win, another will simply manifest. It is inevitable that the day will come when we lose and during this whole process, we suffer unbearable heartache.

The Law of Karma is an intricate & complex teaching. I can't even begin to comprehend its mundane aspects, let alone the finer workings hidden to the ordinary human mind. But the rule of thumb is, any action that is motivated by ill-will or selfishness, never produces good. It only creates bad results and unless we change our ways, we will experience these results over and over again, life after life after life...

This means that the responsibility lands squarely on your shoulders. You have the powere right this very moment to decide what happens in the next chapter of your life. When shit hits the fan, I'm always reminded that there is in fact a choice. I can charge into the madness all-guns-blazing and begin yet another long, endless battle. Or I can just pause, take a deep breath and really try to examine the situation. Why has this happened to me? Why do I feel so victimised? What part do I have to play in this situation? What can I do to defuse the situation without blowing up everyone around me?

I've learnt over the years that it's easy to fight back with harsh words, mindless actions & cruel intent. But being kind, compassionate, wise & mindful in the face of adversity.... well that takes the greatest kind of courage. During our lifetime, we are fortunate enough to have a living example of that courage. His Holiness the Dalai Lama never ceases to remind me of what the mind is capable of, especially when I'm most tempted to give in to my old Samsaric ways and just make the situation worse.

I'm not suggesting that we all roll over and be blindly intolerant to wrong doing in the world. If you have the resources & capability to prevent wrong doing, then do so but always, ALWAYS, pause to examine your intentions first. Why do you really to act out? Is it because we're protecting those weaker than ourselves or are we just protecting our Ego? These are important questions to ask, least we become prey to strange preverted ideas of Justice. Think Hitler here. Above all else, always be on guard against your own brand of self-serving logic.

So here's a challenge for you. If you're curious about Karma, now is the moment to do some investigating and find out more about it. If you're not curious about Karma, then I challenge you to give up the role of the Avenger and become a Peace-Maker instead. We all know the world would be a far better place if there were more people working on making peace with their families, friends and co-workers instead of plotting how to stab them in the back!

As for myself, I will continue to challenge myself to abide as sincerely and completely as possible by the Laws of Karma. May I do no harm onto others, even to the smallest Ant, the smallest fly, the smallest Sentient Being. And when they do harm onto me, may I have the strength to refrain from striking back. It's my choice after all and I choose not to become the vehicle that delivers your karmic debt. May I have the courage and ability, to one day take on all the karmic debts of all Sentient Beings. Now wouldn't that be something to blog about!

Dear Internet. My name is Demi and I'm a Buddhist. While I'm usually reluctant to introduce myself as such, I've been practicing now for 6 years and with each passing day, Buddhism and I become more deeply interwoven.

You might say, okay, so you're a Buddhist - what's the big deal? Well I guess like any other religious practioner in the 21st century, I have to treat my religious beliefs with care & caution. It's not that I get attacked or vilified for my religious beliefs (which in itself, is a luxury many others on this earth, don't possess). However, the majority of people I know, especially friends in amongst my generation, don't even acknowledge the relevance of any sort of religion let alone practise one. And only six years ago, I too shared their views.

Like every other person on this earth, I was busy ticking off the checklist of mundane life. Did I have a job? Yes, I'd found work as a radiographer that guaranteed steady, comfortable income. Did I have good friends? Yup, I'd become familiar with a wide variety of people from various cultures, thus ensuring I wasn't completely ignorant of the Aussie culture or the world at large. Did I have love? So far, so good. I'd met Craig when I was 18 and so far, the relationship was thriving. I was also in good health; had a fond & warm relationship with most of my family members and not in any significant debt. Set for life right?

Not quite... Despite my tireless efforts to ensure that I had everything I needed to ensure constant happiness, this wasn't reflected in my experience. During my uni years, I suffered from depression which I thought was due mostly to being homesick (I was studying in Brisbane while my family were in Cairns) and the stress of passing exams. As the years went by, I learnt to manage my depression but I always kept my guard as every now and then, I'd experience mini relapses. Even when I finally graduated and was (thank goodness!) finally free of the assignments & exams, I had to prepare myself for the responsibilities of work.

I was only 21 when I started radiography and naturally, quite inexperienced and unprepared for the trials and tribulations of working in healthcare. It was very much sink or swim; I think I mostly flopped & floundered and somehow, my vain efforts got me through my first year as an intern. This was a year of long hours, cranky bosses and difficult workmates.

I had to wonder, where exactly was the happiness & contentment I was seeking? It certainly didn't mimic the glorious success protrayed on tv shows or the movies. And no amount of stuff I brought with my hard earned cash could keep stress at bay for long.

Which brings us to that faithful night at the Cairns airport. I'd just finished visiting my family and yet again, that familiar feeling of homesickness was visiting. I did what I always did. I ignored it and what better distraction, than a good book?

I was looking for a decent fiction, preferably supernatural or fantasy but oddly enough, the book that caught my eye was a small, slim lined book that was titled very modestly, "Buddhism for Busy People." It seemed short and sweet... and hey, surely it wouldn't hurt to become more knowledgeable about one of the oldest religions on earth. Besides, I had family who were Buddhists (actually, they were more like Daoists but I was that ignorant of the subtle differences at the time) so I made my purchase and starting reading.

Little did I expect how that book would change my life. Its pages were like a key, unlocking a part of me that had long waited to be cultivated & nourished. Reading about the basic principles of Buddhism (such as reincarnation, karma, the way reality existed & what Enlightenment truly meant) generated a deep feeling of coming home. That night, a new life outlook was revealed.

It was actually another 6 months, before I was brave enough to find a local Buddhist Center and learn more. The rest is history but without a doubt, I decided I had found my path.

Now the purpose of this post isn't just to plug Buddhism. The goal of starting this blog is to chart my ups & downs as an ordinary Buddhist as I try to make sense of the madness of the 21st Century. Yes, it's not easy being Buddhist, especially when you're the only Buddhist in your family and your husband raises his eyebrow at your very unconventional asian altar. It's never ceases to exasperate Craig or my parents (who are both vets) that I insist on saving ants from water and refuse to kill them. And maybe you might find my struggles familar. You might even have some tips to share with me!

So on that note, let's leave it there for now. Hello. My name is Demi and I'm a Buddhist.